IM BACK!

I know it has been a very long break, with Emry being born, and life in general, a short leave and now back to work...I had a lot to try to get together.

I have so much to write about and I am creating my list and trying to get back on a blogging schedule.

It will happen.  I am considering closing Facebook and utilizing this for sharing our experiences with our family and friends. (**CONSIDERING, wow it is hard to get off)

Today's post simply is to note I missed an entire month of blogging because my sweet baby girl is 2 months today! AH!  It is flying and we are enjoying every minute.  Even the middle of the night minutes when I can hold her and console her back to sleep.  When those big eyes stare up at me (as I glace at the clock reading 3:30am) I realize how blessed, lucky, and happy my life has become because of this lil peanut.

At 2 months:
-Emry gets up about 2 times a night.  Daddy and I alternate shifts so we both can get some sleep, although the middle of the night pumpings prevent me from fully sleeping.

-She is rolling over, its so cute, that tush! AH she rocks her shoulders back and forth and then...POOF she is over.

-She laughs and smiles and it melts my heart cause now it is no longer gas it is reactions to her goofy parents.

-Emry loves to "talk" to herself/us/mirrors/stuffed animals and at all times, especially at 3am, I love waking to her talking as oppose to crying. I keep trying to record her.

-She is a huge bath fan and HATES getting out.  I can't blame her. She loves trying to splash with her hands and legs.

Some other of my favorite moments:

First money from her Great-Grandparents

How she greets us when we arrive home.

She loves the outfit Nina, just hates that mom changes her so much for pictures :)

With my lil lady on my birthday :)

1 MONTH OLD!?

I know I know, I have not had time to get on and blog. With a newborn, a 4year old and a husband...we are getting in a good flow :)

But for now..

Happy 1 Month to my precious baby girl

In memory of our first...

1 year ago today we lost our first child, you remember the day and every detail and you never forget but they live on forever in your heart.

"Like lullaby's you are, forever in my mind. I see you in all the pieces in my life, though you weren't mine..you were my first love."- YUNA

My aunt sent me this beautiful poem and it explains so much I can’t/couldn’t say at the time.

Just Those Few Weeks 

For those few weeks—

I had you to myself

And that seems too short a time

to be changed so profoundly.



In those few weeks—

I came to know you

and to love you.

You came to trust me with your life.

Oh, what a life I had planned for you!



Just those few weeks—

When I lost you.

I lost a lifetime of hopes,

plans, dreams, and aspirations…

A slice of my future simply vanished overnight.



Just those few weeks—

It wasn’t enough time to convince others

how special and important you were.

How odd, a truly unique person has recently died

and no one is mourning the passing.



Just a mere few weeks—

And no “normal” person would cry all night

over a tiny, unfinished baby,

or get depressed and withdrawn day after endless day.

No one would, so why am I?



You were just those few weeks my little one

you darted in and out of my life too quickly.

But it seems that’s all the time you needed

to make my life so much richer

and give me a small glimpse of eternity.



Poem Copyright 1984 by Susan Erling Martinez

Today we are able to know our little guardian angel is now watching our new little blessing from above and waiting to meet us all one day.

Emry's Birth Story

Sunday, February 10th 2013

10pm:
We were having just a typical Sunday night at home, got N down for bed, turned on the Grammy's and half way through the Bruno Mars performance I felt a sharp twinge in my lower stomach I grabbed my husbands arm as it was an unusual feeling then heard a 'pop' and just felt a huge gush of water. I yelled "BABE! MY WATER JUST BROKE" and I b-lined it to the bathroom with my hubby trailing behind with a towel. I got to the toilet just to feel more comfortable with it leaking. We both looked at each other with HUGE smiles and said "what do we do now" (as if those 9 months I wasn't already prepped and ready to go the second we knew we would have to go to the hospital). It is so true though that in that moment when it just finally feels real and hits you...you kinda zone out, time stops and everything moves slow.

So I called my girlfriend Sarah to see if she could come to the house since N was sound asleep to cover the time until my mother could arrive from Green Bay. Sarah herself was sounds asleep :) Which was fine I REALLY did not want to disturb her. We were able to get a hold of my brother-in-law who lives fairly close and he came on over to cover the time. I then called my mother (who I just spoke to about 9pm talking about my brother's girlfriend) and was able to say "hey mom....ummmm...my water just broke", her response "WHAT??? NOW?? REALLY? ARE YOU SURE?" Which to all I replied.. "YES". So she got herself together and hit the road to us. During that hour the hospital gave us to get there, I immediately wanted a shower and TOOK one (still leaking like Ole Faithful). Got out, put on a pad, 2 pairs of underwear, my AMAZING yoga pants and ate a huge bowl of Rice Krispies and a banana since I remembered they will not feed you in the hospital. We ran around the house as if we didn't have a bag packed for 3 months trying to make sure we had everything (ha). Soon as my brother-in-law arrived we hit the road for the hospital.

11pm:
After taking an extra 5 minutes of finding the most perrrrrfect parking spot in the ramp, we parked...level 4 right outside the sky walk :) I then proceeded to waddle in the hospital holding a towel around my waist crouching down as if that stopped the leaking the security guard asked "can I help you folks" I wanted to respond..IM ABOUT TO HAVE A BABY, IM LEAKING, MY BELLY IS IN A NEW ZIP CODE....Come on dude why else would be be walking in the maternity ward with a leaky bottom, big belly and funny facial expressions due to the random contractions. Got signed in (thankful I pre-registered) moved into the triage room to make sure my water actually broke (duh). CONFIRMED WATER BREAKAGE. So I got changed into a sexy hospital gown met my first nurse Anne-Marie, dilation was checked. Over the week apparently my uterus tilted to the back so they had extreme difficulty checking which was extremely painful and they kept apologizing at the same time they were still "digging" back there. Dilation: 2CM

11:40pm:
We moved into the Labor and Delivery room with another new nurse, Kelsy. Tony was very hungry (I was too but of course I knew I wasn't able to get that fixed besides the delicious ice chips). Dr Lily came in at 12am, she wanted to start Pitocin right away since my water broke 2 hours prior to get things going since my dilation was not increasing from my last weeks appointment. I was not thrilled about this, I REALLY did not want to use Pitocin. We really begged to give us time to walk and try natural methods before having to use Pitocin. She finally allowed an HOUR...just an HOUR. So we booked it around the maternity floor, did a lot of talking and just taking in the moment. Contractions were starting to increase. Dr stopped us at exactly 1am and had us head back to the room.








Monday, February 11th, 2013

1:15am:
My dilation was check again STILL EXTREMELY painful because my uterus was still tilted. Dilation: 2.5CM The Dr was set on Pitocin because of risks of infection they kept mentioning. So I had to just go for it with them. At 1:45am the Pitocin was started and we were both needing to get some sleep for the time that was coming ahead. I was trying to get some sleep but the contractions were starting to come a bit intense but still tolerable.



3:00am:
Woke up to the most excruciating contractions grinding my teeth, trying to wake my husband just to help me with the pain (he was such a trooper). I began bawling because the Pitocin was amped so much it had started hard labor but in the beginning.....

(Before I continue let me discuss my plan for dealing with the labor)

PAIN PLAN:
I wanted to go as natural as possible for a few reasons:

1. To experience a natural birth
2. Safety of my child and myself
3. Most women in my family did it natural which was encouraging
4. With my Bell's Palsy I am always a bit cautious about shots, meds etc to not get a flare up.

When we arrived back for the Pitocin the Anesthesiologist came in to do the consent form "JUST IN CASE" which I was fine with so that IF for some reason things changed I was ready. As I began bawling from the most painful feeling I ever felt, I was crying to my husband asking if I got the Epidural if I was a bad mom, if it would be okay, if my family would be mad, etc... His answer of course "you do what you need to do, dont worry about anything else but your comfort." (Love him) I asked the Anesthesiologist to come in and we did a nice long question-answer segment (though I researched the crap out of it, I just needed to hear it again) I confirmed I needed to do it. I was shaking severely and while they were answering questions I couldn't even ask anymore because my contractions were coming almost every 2 minutes and I wasn't even getting a chance to breathe. I was caught quoting "it feels like a monster takes over my body and then I come back to life".

4:45am:
I DID IT. Got the epidural, it took a good 1/2 hour and about 15 contractions, shaking, sweating, freezing later. About 20 minutes after receiving it I started to feel the glorious-ness (as a girlfriend told me, its hard to go natural when you know what relief is available). There were smiles, laughs, thumbs-up, you name it..I was feeling MUCH better. My legs went numb my right worse then my left so that was the only discomfort. We fell asleep, a nice sleep and when I woke at 6am, they checked my dilation again (which did not hurt one bit since I couldn't feel anything so I didn't even care if my uterus was still tilted). It jumped to 6cm! That was music to my ears. However, Emry's heartbeat was dropping so we needed to change up positions and added an internal monitor to have more accurate tracking of her heart rate.



7am:
It was a staff switch and we received new nurses Kathy and Tina and I was also introduced to my mid wife who would be working with me...Beth. (LOVED HER) Because of the Epidural working more on my right than left it was really getting uncomfortable and even a little pain I thought my knees were going to snap off my body, the Anesthesiologist came to adjust the catheter to make the numbness more even.

10am:
8cm dilated. YES! Unable to control anything below the belt which meant PLENTY of embarrassing moments of gas in front of the staff. And always when someone was in the room why could it not happen when it was just the hubby and I???

1030am:
They began preparing the room for birth with the other units needed, any tools or items and told us to get a little more sleep to get ready for pushing. At this point I was so over the ice chips, extremely hungry, I was telling my nurse the items I wanted ASAP after birth (like I was planning my final meal). My cravings consisted of: Apple juice, Sprite, and lots of Oranges

12pm:
9+cm dilated. They told us to get ready to start to push within the hour.



1:05pm:
10cm dilated!!!!!!!!!!! They had Emry working herself down before pushing to not have a long pushing time. Again..I farted as the nurse checked my dilation (a special thank you to my husband for taking that note for me to be able to remember and reference it) I was beyond embarrassed it was like the final straw.

1:40pm
I got in position to push and the nurse talked to me about "how to push with an epidural" you think you can push but you literally need to learn to push since you cant feel anything.

1:46pm: PUSHING STARTED!!!
I was using all my mite to push the room slowly crowded to about 8 staff including doctors, nurses and residents it was like an all-star performance. Pushing and pushing taking breaks, Emry had her feet all in my ribs as I was pushing so it became extremely sore. I was getting winded so they added an Oxygen mask to help and my dear hubby was feeding me ice chips through the Oxygen holes. About 2:30pm they began to worry about her positioning and heart rate. Her head was facing out to the side with her left-side facing down which was making her arrival very difficult. They attempted several times to reposition her head but it was not working. 2:45pm they said they needed to try with the vacuum, she needed more assistance to get out with her head position, I was worried but more worried about just getting her out in general. Still pushing hard and bearing down we were all getting more worried because her heart rate just kept dropping. At that point I heard the doctor overseeing my two doctors "dr, are you going to deliver this baby or not". I then saw the adrenaline-filled look in my doctors eyes and she said "Ashley give this last push all you got" when I heard that I gave her my all. As I did...I heard...snip snip. WTF!?!? My hubby looked at me, my midwife looked at me my baby was held up and my husband and I just lost it.



3:09pm
SHE WAS HERE!!!!!! My baby girl was here in real life! BUT due to the concerns they whisked her away to a NICU station within the room, she wasn't crying, so I was even more. They wouldn't let us (my husband by her) for a good 10 minutes while they made sure her heart rate returned. During this time they explained that they needed to give an episotomy...and not just any episotomy, a mediolateral episiotomy aka hockey stick. At the time I was just grateful she was out (The recovery of this will probably be another post, lots to say about that) The midwife apologized because she knew I was not open for the episotomy but I understood it was an emergency situation. Back to my beaut...first of all from my view I saw from across the room her feet...HER DADS FEET they really get passed on, my husband, N and Emry all have his feet (the cat feet, the ones that they can use to grab things and it creeps me out). I then heard the sweetest sound...her cry, I lost it even more. They then had my hubby come to meet her, cut the umbilical cord, get her weight etc. Then about 30ish minutes after her birth I FINALLY was able to meet my dear special baby girl, I just kept repeating "its me, its me" she was just staring at me like she knew exactly who I was. My heart was instantly stolen.



5:30pm:
We moved to the birth center floor where we roomed for the next 2 days, My mom brought N to meet her baby sister the evening she was born. That was just adorable N said "ITS MY BABY SISTER!!!! IS SHE A GIRL????? WHATS ON HER BELLY????? I TAKE BATHS TOO!" It was just precious, lots of pics and video taken. That evening my parents, Sarah, Sabrina and JT all visited that night. I finally was able to eat sushi! I was in heaven!



Post birth and recovery to be continued...Right now I am enjoying my lil bundle of joy. :)

SHE IS HERE!!!!

Emry Sage was born Monday February 11th, 2013 at 3:09pm. 6lbs 4 oz 20"

I plan to write more about our birth story soon :)

But for enjoyment...my water broke at home in the living room watching Bruno Mars perform on the Grammy's ;) That MUST be the labor inducing task I forgot about.

Some pictures for your pleasure...more to come soon...just enjoying every second of my lil baby girl.

39 WEEKS!!!! Size of a ............Watermelon

BABY DROPPED.... IT LIKE ITS HOT :)


Date: February 6th, 2013

How far along? 39 Weeks!!!

DR NOTES:
-Had an appt this morning, not much progress but my cervix thinned much more then last week. Talked about induction depending on progress by next week...no progress then an overnight induction, some progress but no labor by the 20th...induction as well. So the fun thing is either way in 2 weeks she will be her :) I really want to avoid an induction by all means so I hope lil lady gets ready on her own.

What Baby Presti is doing:
Your baby's waiting to greet the world! She continues to build a layer of fat to help control her body temperature after birth, but it's likely she already measures about 20 inches and weighs a bit over 7 pounds, a mini watermelon. The outer layers of her skin are sloughing off as new skin forms underneath.

Total weight gain/loss: 26 lbs

Maternity clothes?
Gave up on clothes all together, wish we lived on a nudist colony. However, I DID treat myself to a clothing item I have been wanting for years...ready for it....YOGA pants. I have always wanted a pair but never took the time to get some, now that I purchased them I dont want to be out of them.

Stretch marks?
My husband was so kind to point out that I got a slight one under my belly button. HOW SWEET OF YOU BABE. The belly has gotten very heavy and appears to tip down so I'm not surprised. But still, gotta love an honest husband.
"Thanks babe you know how to make me feel so good!"

Sleep:
I wish. Did the couch 2 nights this week. Also tried a 2am shower when I gave up hope everywhere else. Still no luck but I loved being able to put on the lavender sleepy-time baby lotion.

Best moment(s) this week:
-My mama coming to help out at the house, we tackled the basement, re-organized N's room and just got more settled. I feel much better going into this birth now. Bottom line is I really just missed her and it was so nice and comforting having her around espeically near the end of this adventure. (PS she INSISTED the belly must show...sorry)

-N dancing to Beyonce's performance at the SuperBowl. Totally adorable.

-I was on the phone with my grandparents just catching up and I overheard N whispering to my belly "why are you not out yet sister?" Too cute.

-Purchasing just a lil something for BP to wear in hopes she arrives before Valentine's Day

-A huge favorite was the "Guess the Birthdate" Calendar that my co-worker made for me to hang outside my cube with everyone's bets! SO CUTE! THANK YOU ASHLEY E!!!!!

-And last night going to the movies with my hubby, I was bundled to the max, brought my blanket, cozy in my yoga pants walked the mall a bit and snuck in some Auntie Annie's and an ICEE watched Parker and had contractions throughout the entire movie and then it stopped soon as I got to the car. Hmm how CONVENIENT.

Favorite Wee Mail's this week:

Miss Anything?
My mom being back in town. Being comfortable. Wearing normal clothes. Not feeling so helpless.

Movement:
Of course, she is like a little ball of energy, I am hoping she is packing up soon. It's getting close to her eviction notice.

Food cravings:
Milk, broke down for some brownies this weekend, pizza and Chinese.

Anything making you queasy or sick:
Onions...like always and still beef occasionally.

Labor Signs:
Yea, contractions picked back up again, looking forward to my appointment next week to see if my dilation has progressed (please please please).

Symptoms:
Complete exhaustion but still working my butt off around the house. Chasing a 3.5 year old adds to this as well. Back pain is insane and I probably hate that the most.

Belly Button in or out?
Odd. Not really much of a belly button anymore and apparently has some friendly stretch mark neighbors that I can only view with a mirror.

Wedding rings on or off? ON! Swollen.

Happy or Moody most of the time:
More moody, getting impatient, my back hurts..ow.

Weekly Wisdom:
Have a family member come and help out to get you all set, even if it is just to hang out. It really is comforting. And write a letter to your little one on the way. :)

Looking forward to:
Seeing my baby girl!!!!!!!!

A letter for my daughter....

To my baby girl,
You are almost here!!!!!!! I cannot even begin to tell you how happy and excited you make me and how much your dad, sister and I already love you and you haven't even physically arrived yet. You are and have been such a huge dream of mine ever since I was a little girl. I dreamt to have an amazing and beautiful daughter to share my life with. I dreamt you experience the greatest life I can offer you. These 9 (well actually 10, ill explain one day) months have been the LONGEST months and waiting period of my life. I never waited so long and so impatiently for something. You are the greatest Christmas present I will ever open, the most cherished birthday gift and the most perfect person God could ever create. I cannot wait to meet you and share all my love with you. Crazy to know all the love one person can have and give before you have even arrived. I will teach you all I can, how to look at the life and see the most beautiful things, how to treat others exactly how you would like to be treated and how to leave this world a better place then when you arrived. I will teach you how to laugh at yourself, that it is okay to cry, that life isn't fair and sometimes we never understand why things happen the way they do. Just know it all happens for a reason. I want you to know you can follow any dream you have and I will always support and back you up. I want you to dance, laugh, live and try things, I want you to know life is not pre written and that you can create your own path.

I know there will be times when we don't see eye to eye and may have those difficult conversations or acts of discipline. Always know it is out of love and one thing I will never stop doing is loving you. Even when you are mad at me...I still will be loving you as much as you may dislike it. I dream that through your teenage years you learn about yourself and learn who and what you want to become. You will have many influences in life and I want you to stay strong with your morals and good head on your shoulder to bypass anything negative that comes your way. I wish great friends for you since they become family, I learned so much from my friends and they really helped me through my own tough times when I was younger and throughout my adult years. Sometimes you just need a friend instead of a mother and I will have to understand that at one point myself. When you grow up even more (as I cry when you leave the house) whether you choose college, work or a travel path, this will be the most critical moment in your life and you will learn the most. Always remember you can come to me, ask me, or tell me what you have planned for your future. I hope you see the world, when I traveled that was my greatest moments in my life. I learned who I was, and I learned so much about others and their cultures. I saw the most beautiful sights I could only dream up in my mind, I ate the most delicious foods and spoke the most beautiful languages. When traveling becomes an option for you....TAKE IT. Once life settles down, that availability is not so common and you will dream to go back. I hope we take a trip together one day so we can have our very own adventure and learn together.

I pray for a beautiful relationship with your sister, there is nothing in the world like the love and bond of a sister. Your aunt Katie and I didn't get the pleasure to grow up together with that relationship, however ever since we were able to now, I couldn't do life without her. Your sister has been eagerly waiting as well for your arrival, singing to you in my belly, rubbing lotion on you and making sure I eat fruit and chocolate for you cause she likes that too ;) You two will have so many fun memories and so many experiences, experiences that only you two will know as your own special bond. She is so funny, clever and smart, she has a lot to be able to teach you and you will be able to teach her so many things as well. I cannot wait to see that grow and how you two develop as you enter your adult years.

The day you meet your spouse... I dream you meet a man like your father, he is such a good genuine loving man. Treats me with the utmost respect always. He taught me how to be myself with love, how to be honest, how to speak my mind and not be afraid. He romanced me and always was the gentleman, opening doors since dating to even while you were in my belly. He has the worlds biggest heart and he is the most protective of our family. I pray you find that man that will fulfill your heart as your father did mine. Be best friends in love and with that combination you can take on the world. Do life together, it takes two and don't be afraid to need each other. Man and Wife are made to balance out each other and fill in where you cannot yourself. Your dad will do a great job of filtering out the crappy guys anyway so be nice when he says no about a guy. It's for your own good. :)

In closing, I just overall pray for the greatest life experience you can even have. Full of love, laughter and life. In our family you will see we have all three everyday. I love you more than anything in this world and no matter what. I am here for you as your friend, your teacher, and most of all the greatest job I could ever ask for...as your mother. I love you unconditionally.

Mom

38 CRAZY WEEKS!!!!!! Size of a...............PUMPKIN!!

Getting some birthing ball action in at work.

Date: January 30th, 2013

How far along? 38 weeks!!

What Baby Presti is doing:
Your baby has really plumped up. She weighs about 6.8 pounds and she's over 19 1/2 inches long. She has a firm grasp, which you'll soon be able to test when you hold her hand for the first time! Her organs have matured and are ready for life outside the womb.
Wondering what color your baby's eyes will be? You may not be able to tell right away. If she's born with brown eyes, they'll likely stay brown. If she's born with steel gray or dark blue eyes, they may stay gray or blue or turn green, hazel, or brown by the time she's 9 months old. That's because a child's irises (the colored part of the eye) may gain more pigment in the months after she's born, but they usually won't get "lighter" or more blue. (Green, hazel, and brown eyes have more pigment than gray or blue eyes.)

Total weight gain/loss: 24lbs Staying put, evening out.

Maternity clothes?
Wish I would have invested in more maternity tops and some large sweaters for these crazy winter days we have been getting but with such a short time left i'm not worried.

Stretch marks?
No, more lotion though she is getting itchy.

Sleep:
WAS terrible and I think after an insomnia streak my body finally gave in and let me sleep the last 2 nights.

Best moment(s) this week:
- N telling daddy that Justin Beiber is her man. (He about rolled over and crashed)

- Finding out that 2 movie theaters in the area have Mommy Movie days where you can bring your baby and have the comfort of breastfeeding and knowing "it's okay if they make noise" cause the rest of the theater is full of other moms with their babes.

- Getting the fabulous car-seat installed!!!! I love looking back in the mirror and seeing it.

My girlfriend Sarah may be more stoked about the travel system then me....ummm nope. :)

- Best of all: An amazing surprise baby shower from my hubby's family! I was completely miserable and sick he did a good job making me "go to his cousins for a pro-bowl game" (poor guy I was giving him a hard time at home about needing to rest and sleep) We played some fun games, had some great laughs and lots of great company. It was so nice to celebrate with that side of the family. xoxo to all avenues of my family.

- Another funny moment.... giving a urine sample at the doctor...its never fun, its always a hot mess but this time I went to set the cup in the sink to get my pants back on and such....well I forgot that the sink turns on automatically, so I accidently filled my "cup" with some faucet water in addition to my sample. I never said anything to the nurse and she was like "She is all good" so I kept it my little secret. I can't wait to give a urine sample without any issue.


Favorite Wee Mail's this week:

Miss Anything?
Comfort.

Movement:
All over the place, more takes my breath away now since she is so much bigger then her lil tiny self before its a full leg or arm into my bones.

Food cravings:
Pizza, milk, cold things, craving some chocolate lately which is weird cause I don't like it normally. I did indulge in 2 thin mints last night. YUM GIRL SCOUTS!

Anything making you queasy or sick:
ONIONS STILL and someone was eating them in the office this morning, I wanted to chuck their food out of the window.

Labor Signs:
Getting there, contractions picking back up. Dilated 1 cm, 9 more to go! (PS the first dilation check....NOT FUN....NOT FUN, see my advice below)

Symptoms:
Everything. My back is on fire, hurts like a beast, and just the heavy load in the front...not fun.

Belly Button in or out?
It's not there anymore, even my doctor was like "oh wow you have NO belly button now)

Wedding rings on or off?
STILL ON! Just getting some callused skin under it from the swollen-ness

Happy or Moody most of the time:
BOTH, wrote my hubby a sappy love letter, cried while we ate some ice cream on the couch. Just enjoying our last lil moments and embracing the big family change that is coming. Mostly excited for N and having a sibling. She is so darn excited about her baby sister I can't wait til she can finally meet her :)

Weekly Wisdom:
Before your first dilation check, DO IT. Seriously, you may think the whole time "they totally know we did it" but who cares, the experience is more uncomfortable then a PAP and especially if you havent been so intimate lately it will hurt more. So yes...I said do it. :)

Looking forward to:
Seeing her beautiful face soon and SAYING HER NAME OUT LOUD!!!


And I leave you with this...it cracked me up: